Beautiful Disaster
by qwertyelf
Summary: Ginny's thouhghts after the breakup! MAJOR HBP spoilers so read at your OWN risk.From Ginny's PoV. Ginny thinking about her breakup with harry! Its a happy ending I promise! lol Songfic to Kelly Clarksons Beautiful Disaster hence the name


b Beautiful Disaster /b 

Disclaimer: I own nothing, It's Miss Jo's!

"He had another dream last night Hermione," Ron was saying with concern in his voice. Of course 'He' was Harry, the only boy I'd ever loved. Now Hermione was speaking, " What did he say?" Ron made a face " Something about 'Not Ginny', and 'leave her alone'."

He had been dreaming about me. "He still loves her, I can tell." Hermione had motherly concern in her voice. " Well don't feel speicial because everyone can."Ron said softly

i He drowns in his dreams

an exquiste extreme I know /i 

"Can you imagine, having to leave the woman you want to live the rest of your life with? And all because of" he hesitated and then for the first time said his name "Voldermort?"

" He's a marked man Ron. But a man he still is he believes he doing the right thing, and we can't make decisions for him, he has her safety in mind and he believes that whoever he loves dies because of him." Hermione said in that same tone of voice.Yes, that's my Harry, showing moral fiber.

i He's as damned as he seems.

More heaven than a heart could hold /i 

I slowly backed away from the window . I had been eavesdropping.

That was probably why they had gone inside, to talk about Harry.

I sat on the garden bench. Thinking. If Harry still loved me then why was he shutting me out? Hermione had ansewered that already though so that was a waste of valuable brain energy. What if I told him how I felt ? At the funeral I had just looked into hs eyes, praying he would read the silent message.

No I couldn't do that. He'd reject me and I'd never be right again.

i And if I try to save him

My while world could cave in /i 

There's something wrong with him, he hasn't smiled since he's been here.

And he has a shadow of tears on his face. He can't look me in the eye anymore its like im a bassilisk and if he lookes into my eyes,he'll break down. I hate this feeling . of rejection and pain. Why can't everyhing be right again? If it was I would be in his arms. And he would smile at me and smell my hair and say how it smelled like treacle tart, broomsticks,and flowers.

i Lord, it just aint right

it just aint right. /i 

What is it he wants from me? Does he want me to stop loving him? He knows bloody well that I've tried before. And I can't. If he expects me to move on than his expectations are too great. I remember his laugh. I haven't heard it for so long. His smile. I haven't seen that either. His Malfoy mocking smirk. He does it extremely well. How his tounge gets all tied up whenever he talks to girls other than me and Hermione. Our first kiss.

How he ushered me out of the portrait hole like a gentleman.

i Oh and I don't know,

I don't know what he's after.

But he's so beautiful,

a beautiful disaster. i 

He's looking out the window at me. His eyes are faded, and his face is gaunt. He turns away when he sees me looking back. His hair still sticks up in certain places but that makes him unique. I fell in love with his hair, and his eyes. And how sexy he looks with his quidditch robes on. If I could hold on to these memories of him, maybe I could hold on to his love, maybe.

i And if I could hold on,

through the tears and the laughter.

Would it be beautiful?

Or just a beautiful disaster. /i 

He's the most powerful wizard in the world,well second to Merlin.

But heck, I loved him before I knew that so what does it matter.

For years I thought that he was a legend that's all,until Ron said he had met him and seen the scar. In my first year he saved my life, I thought for sure I was going to die. That was until I realized that the voices in my head were Harry's not Tom's. The I belived in him. I know that he's going to defeat You-Know-Who and in my dreams about it I was there with him. Standing by his side. Well even though that has changed I still know he's going to defeat The Dark Lord someday.

i He's magic and myth

As strong as what I believe i 

He and Ron and Hermione have been through so much together,

The Sorcerors Stone, the Chamber of Secrets,Sirius,The Triwizard Tournament,

The Department o Mystery's,And Dumbledore's death. It's a miracle he's alive.

Then again, no it isn't. He been through all this stuff because he has the abilty to go through this stuff.

i A tragedy with

More damage than a soul should see /i 

" Ginny, time for dinner!" my mother calls.

I walk inside to smell sheperds pie and, treacle tart. That was always Harry's favorite meal. He said it reminded him of happiness,and love. Love, the love he has for me right?

I start to eat, actually I'm halfway through. Harry is clearly not coming to dinner. Should I go upstairs to tell him ther's treacle tart? He's been shutting everyone but Ron and Hermione out. Should I go upstairs and whip him up into shape.

i And do I try to change him? /i 

Then again why should he get any? We don't get any of him, he does'nt get any treacle tart. All's fair in love and hate. I was in the middle of my treadle tart when he did come down. " I thought I smelled my favorite dessert and well , yeah." Bah humbug. He probably hasn't noticed I'm here. "Oh..hi Ginny." He started to turn around. I got up and walked over to him. " No, stay. I'll leave you with your preioius treacle tart." I emphasised 'preicous' with a dramatic shove that backed him up into the wall.

It was his fault my entire family was on edge, noone can say the word 'Harry' above a whisper.

And it kills me inside.

i So hard not to blame him

Hold me tight,

Baby hold me tight /i 

My room would only be solace for about 30 minutes because then Hermione would come up.

I retreated back down the stairs and out to the garden bench I had been sitting on before.

I thought back to what I had just done.His skin was dry and pale It had felt as if the muscle in his shoulder had diminished. And was replaced with a piece of chicken bone.

"What's the matter with you Harry?" I said so softly that I could barely hear myself.

But Harry heard. " What Ginny? Did you ask me something?" Why is he doing this to me? "Oh! Harry I didn't realize you were here." What is he doing here! I was running from Hermione. I totally sidesteped Harry because I didn't think he would look for me. " I'm sorry." I mumble. " That's ok, I deserved it." He sat down next to me, I moved away.

He sensed my withdrawl. " Good night Ginny" He said and then he walked away, but not in the direction of the house.

i He's soft to the touch,

But frayed at the end he breaks. /i 

I had failed he had come to me for comfort and I shoved him away.How could I have been so dispicable? Shoulg I go in after him? No, he broke my heart. I'm not going to let him know that though. He'd probably leave sooner than scheduled. Because he wouldn't want the fragile wall he's put up against me to crumble when he saw my tears.

Sometimes I just wanna cradle him in my arms, and then, it's like I don't want anything to do with him. And then I just want all of him like I can't get enough. Why are these things so complicated?

i He's never enough

And still he's more than I can take /i 

Harry's voice repeats in my head. Like ripples in the lake when you've just skipped a stone. "Good night Ginny." His voice seemed frail and weak , hoarse and broken. My baby was falling apart, he needed me,and I had rejected him. He couldn't face this alone.

I got up and walked in the direction he had been walking in. I found him in the garden, sitting on the soft damp earth. His hands were wrapped around his knees, and his shoulders were shaking. "Harry, talk to me." He looks up at me, his eyes seem brighter than at the window. " I'm sorry Ginny." I fall to my knees too. Cradling him in my arms.

He fits perfectly. I had my Harry back, and that was all that mattered now. He had needed me just as much as I had needed him. He was mine.

**The End**


End file.
